Last week

I came to my mother´s and, while traveling inside the subway´s system, I noticed an old cicatrix close to my fit. A flashback appeared, then I remembered why I got that scar...

She called phone me, I don´t remember what her words were but I understood the message. I felt such feeling of anger, I was too upset, I knew I needed a quick relief.

I heard the sounds but I couldn´t recognize her voice so, as a trigger, I pulled my arm against the window and, hitting it quickly, I broke its glass.

-What´s going on there? -She asked, as childish she was.

I was unwilling to say a word, so she insisted on and also cried something I don´t remember, so I told her to calm down:

-I hit my window and cut my fit. -I told and amazed pondered why.

-What? How come it was? -I said nothing. I was a teenager who felt rejected.

-Speak to me!... Are you there? Hello! Hello!  -almost shouting over that old phone.

-Yes!  I am here! -I quickly said.

-But what are you doing?... Does it hurt? You hurt yourself? -she said it, but there was not a question she needed to know.

I was unwilling to talk. Everything was so fast that I feel I was perplexed in no place stuck.

-You hit your window and got yourself wounded... Are you crazy? -She asked, again.

-It doesn´t hurt me. It hurts me what you already said, what you did: You broke me inside.

In the subway, I looked at my hand. I´m not sure about the time or the things she thought -or said- while traveling.

-Are you all right?

-I was! Now I´m not. -I said, trying to say goodbye.

I stared at the blood, at the bleeding being shed. That was new for me. I wanted to experience something like that and, then, I had the chance to try it (with a relieving reason).

-Talk to me! What´s going on with you?

-I will not say it, on demand!

-Why?

-I´m wounded, bleeding from the inside out... I wish I could have said “I´m leaving you”. It´s you who left me, instead.

I don´t remember how I sort it out. I´m not sure if I went to the doctor or if I cured it myself (just remembering one of my neighbors tried to cure me with the stuff I had at a hand).

-How come you cut your hand -my healer said- It was too close to your veins. -But I never knew how relieving it was (that way I only tried once, my whole life).

I don´t know why “the heart” sometimes hurts more than a broken bone.

I don´t know why things had to be broken, and apparently lay down without any swift remedy.

You might have spent your life hurting others until the time you realize you did it wrong and all those hurts will cash you back its tolls.

Rom 6:23  When people sin, they earn what sin pays--death. But God gives his people a free gift--eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

If I ever tried to say “she did wrong”, I could be reminded well:

Rom 2:1  Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.

What would be the end?

Rom 6:17  In the past you were slaves to sin--sin controlled you. But thank God, you fully obeyed what you were taught

Was it a life led by the Spirit I lived?

Largely enough God´s Spirit led His people: It was HE leading them to do what He wants and that He wanted. When Jesus was born, one of those Simeons was led to meet His family and God used him to speak (Luk_2:27). When Jesus grew up, God´s Spirit led Him into the desert (Luk 4:1) and His own SON undergone several tests we wouldn´t like to live.

What did Simeon said: “So the secret thoughts of many will be made known. And the things that happen will be painful for you--like a sword cutting through your heart”

Was it only said for Joseph and Mary?

My whole life was spent in nonsenses. Most of the people I know are facing their troubles and Jesus also acknowledged it that way.

Mat 11:6  Great blessings belong to those who don't have a problem accepting me."

What kind of life were we living (or believing)?

Jesus challenged (and warned us) to be responsible, upright and above reproach. That trustworthiness wasn´t found there where we were...

Mat 18:7  I feel sorry for the people in the world because of the things that make people sin. These things must happen, but it will be very bad for anyone who causes them to happen.

In another version it sounds differently:

Mat 18:7  "Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes!  (ESV)

Are we lead to be temped to fail?

Am I living a life to hurt or tempt others?

A life led by the Spirit is not like that far from being worthy, because His Spirit is out of reproach.

Here are some hints to BELIEVE He dwells within you (or me).

Mat_10:20  For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.

Mat 26:41  Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

Joh_3:34  For he whom God has sent utters the words of God, for he gives the Spirit without measure.

Joh 16:13  But when he—the Spirit of truth—comes, he will guide you into all the truth. For he will not speak from himself, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will proclaim to you the things to come.

Joh_3:8  The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit."

Isn´t this verse be nice to know it works for you?:

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." Luk 4:18-19

I don´t know about you but I´ve decided He already said for me:

Joh_6:63  It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.

A.T.