domingo, 23 de agosto de 2015

To Emily


Your letter brought tears to my eyes.. all I've ever wanted was to have someone love me the way you do... maybe one day God will allow me to marry a man who loves me like you.

I'm so sad.. I don't understand.. why every time I love people.. they leave me.. I don't know what I do wrong...

Well, I have no idea, little sister but, if we dare to share our thoughts and ideas -here- we could know (or learn) from our separated worlds or walks.

I don´t know you (1)
We have shared too little (2)
and what we´ve got -online- is but a few, but enough (3).

Yet, I´m aware you could be a catfish... :P

The Emily I loved was a short woman who reminded me Emily Brontë. I almost felt "she" was you (or you was "she").

When I read those letters (love letters) you wrote to "Leo", I think I knew the one I think I know.

As long as I read those letters you wrote to that "loved one", I think I knew your heart, your soul and I said to myself: "She deserved to be loved" and, without knowing it, I loved you and I felt hurt when someone hurt you, and left you. (We cannot change ppl´s choices) (we also have similar rights) so we´re entitled to love those we want to love.

By those days, I had no idea who you are (except by the PASSION you showed by writing).

Today I have no idea on who you are or what would be those reasons you could be left.




Being honest (more honest, because I don´t have needs to lie) I cared NOTHING if you were sick, handicapped or out of your mind: I loved you! With a passion I never felt or thought before.

I hated all who hurt you and left you. I´m glad I had the time to hide and, when you left CC, I got confused and, when you were unwilling or hindered to chat on CC´s room, when you said you were not permitted to talk on LIVE CHATS, I hate the family you had, I had the conditions you were "living" on and, if I had the money to go to Trinidad "to save you" I would have gone, because I would have loved you, no matter you had AIDS or walked on a wheel chair (a thing I was scared when you approached me on CC, using that nickname I never thought you would use). It was a deja vú I feared and, if I was younger, if I was there -negrita- I would have tried to loved you, even to propose you marriage; but I faced vasectomy to avoid children and, to my own regret, I chose to live like a church mouse (even poorly) so I have nothing to give any woman, except what I think what I have as my life.

Negrita! Long distance relationships are not good enough to live by or with.

We human ppl need living ppl, near doors.

You are the most beautiful woman I´ve ever met. I don´t mind if you are blind, "ugly" or handicapped to your own mind: I would love you, with my own (and, if Venezuela was´t what it is presently, I would take you HOME) but Venezuela is not a home: YOU are any man´s home.

If he takes you as you are, YOU ARE HIS HOME.

I don´t know how to help you but, if you tell me "what you´re doing wrong" I think we could find out.

Are you being picky?

Are you seeking a handsome boy "everybody" loves?

If you dare to tell me, I can try to help.

You are beautiful and, if you are that girl I saw on your CC avatar, you are ALSO beautiful in your external shape: I loved that hair I saw on those tiny pics. I loved the shape I think I saw when you showed me the moment when you was baptized so, what any NORMAL man would lack in meeting you?

I also think that man you recently fed, that poor and rejected one, would love you eternally.

Emily! You are the most wonderful young woman I have met online.

You might not be perfect like God´s angels, but you are a woman, and a beautiful woman and, if you need more help, get a psychologist: Something could be wrong in the way you´re approached but, for me, you are wonderful and, I have no way to tell you that so, if I had more means (youth + money) I would reach you, wherever you are.

Have faith!

Grow inside, and I hope to meet you in heaven. I don´t know you yet, as a whole human being, but I love you, anyhow.

How could I tell you? 

How could I hug you, the way I am? Hindered by time and distance...


God and time will tell. (Do not hurry! Life is eternal)


I have loved you, negrita.   <3>

A.T.

sábado, 22 de agosto de 2015

​ No pain, no gain! A worldly reward system.

You´ve probably heard that in a gym. You surely know what that means and it doesn´t matter that knowledge comes from worldly wisdom, since physically that´s a verifiable truth that has paid (and failed).

If you have a "warren" field in the country, if you don´t remove the weeds growing around so often, you won´t see the fruits of having it, except the solace and the bushes that are hard to get rid of there.
If you don´t have a frequent pain toil work over that soil, you won´t see the fruit of it and, above of all sort of worldly evils, some things like fatality and adversity have come along: All you´ve done there can be lost, the moment you expected an assured "abundant" harvesting...
I can cry over the milk spilled.
I can proclaim, sometimes, life do not have a deep rewarding meaning I´ve enjoyed.
No pain, no gain? And what it´s for?
The moment you´ve read about Job, what he faced in his life (losing all of value, having friends who seemed to be another burden and that wife) you can say to yourself: "What is life made for?"

In Spanish there is a popular saying: “El que madruga, toma agua clara”. It´s like saying: “Whomever goes out at daybreak will drink clear water”. What is it that to our emotional human reward? It is that, if we make some additional effort, life will compensate us, anyhow.

You want a particular new job. You want it because it pays a lot or, because you´ve liked all the chores involved in. You´re not alone in your hometown, there´re bunches of people in need seeking any job to survive, and some of them are more qualified or less qualified than you. You might need that you to improve your income, your status, to lessen the burden of your daily time or tu improve your curricula.

You want that particular job because you recently finish high school and you know that job will lead you to new achievements… In few words, you need to make great efforts to get it. If you are hired, you feel rewarded. If you are dismissed, you feel despised, ignored, as if nothing was enough, like if you were an underachiever.

You want the most beautiful girl in town. If you are handsome enough, you probably know you need some additional assets to get her attention quickly... A new hair style? New clothing? New friends near her town or social circles? A better economic status? You know what it´s lacked and what needed to get her so, you would walk another mile (Matt 5:41).

In general, if you wanted a better job or a person to hug you, you needed to walk farther and, perhaps, less than a mile but, you needed to give the best you´ve had.

Commonly, inside what it is expected inside Christianity, not all the believers I knew wanted a roommate just for “easy” sex, but for enjoyable “spiritual” fellowship. If you wanted a job, your aim could have been both, material and “spiritual”, since there are places or situations we do not like to live in: There are different types of conveniences to opt for something more or better. One things thinks to be sure: You needed or will need to make and effort.

Are you being diligent or anxious to achieve your earthly goals? (Matt. 6:27; Luk 12:25)

Diligency is good. It could be self motivating and holistically determinative but, being anxious and overstressed is not really sane.

How do you see Jesus those days He ran His earthly ministry?

  • He loved His time praying before daybreak (Mk 1:35)
  • He felt really compelled to spread the Good News around and soon (Mk 1:38-39)
  • It seems He was motivated for His Father´s love (Matt 12:50; Jn 10:17-18; 15:10).
  • He followed the law and behave accordingly to it (Lk 4:16; 14:5; Mk 2:27)
  • He slept when He could and when it was needed (Matt 8:24)
  • He assumed His ministerial role and often discharged from His apostles´shoulders some tasks of responsibility (Matt 14:22)
  • He cared for people´s essential needs (Lk 4:38; 19:41; Jn 11:35; Matt 9:36; 14:16, 19-20)
  • But He wasn´t anxious (Matt 6:34) except in the agony of the cross (Mk 15:34)

No pain... No gain!

He knew what He came here for (Mk 1:38)

He wasn´t living His life with those earthly material push (Matt 16:26) but within a lifestyle centered on God´s will, pleasing Him (the most).

Jesus said that, a life like that, will be utterly rewarded: “Mat 19:29 All who have given up home or brothers and sisters or father and mother or children or land for me will be given a hundred times as much. They will also have eternal life. ” (Matt 10:41-42; Lk 14:14)

But, is that the life I´ve been leading?

Family and teachers taught us to compete by defeating the “enemy” teams. If we wanted to be the “bests”, we needed to fight against groups -or individuals- by beating and belittling other people on our way, as if that was the conquering of this world, or as it was a life contest.

At the school we learned to work as individuals to develop our owns schemes. Teamwork was sought eventually but, each school team, always needed a leader and, that´s why you can see that word of “leader” deeply connected to the secularism of several churches, today:









Did Jesus called His apostles to be “leaders” or to be his “sent”?


This is how secularized churches gave some emotional relief or human reward to their “leaders”:

They gave them a high position  

They gave them a social status 

They gave them a gender role

The Lord Jesus said this I have to keep in mind: Mat 23:10 None of you should be called the leader. The Messiah is your only leader.


He reassured His chosen by saying: “Mat 23:8 But none of you should be called a teacher. You have only one teacher, and all of you are like brothers and sisters.

At browsing the internet, I have liked these two examples I´d pick as a reminder:









What was the worldly reward the apostles expected when following the Lord Jesus?

Mat 19:27 Peter replied, "Remember, we have left everything to be your followers! What will we get?"
Mat 19:28 Jesus answered: Yes, all of you have become my followers. And so in the future world, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, I promise that you will sit on twelve thrones to judge the twelve tribes of Israel. (See it also Lk 18:28)

Those men served Him for a human and immediate reward: Be seated to rule over Israel.

They believed in God (Jn 14:1) but they also believed in actual worldly rewards.

They weren´t going to have just some fun. They left their jobs and towns to obey the One they saw as Master but, they also saw the “future” kingdom at a hand: “Act 1:6 While the apostles were still with Jesus, they asked him, "Lord, are you now going to give Israel its own king again?

It was not that easy! They needed to endure it, until the last breath: “Luk 21:19 In your patience ye shall win your souls.

Patience, here, means “cheerful endurance”. Even to death!

No pain, no gain.

You cannot eat without daily toils.
You cannot see your house clean , unless someone endures it or pays the price.
You cannot get an abundant harvest if no one has riped what some else has sown.

Each time I looked on Job´s life or at Lazarus the Lepper, I feel they felt bad and frustrated.

Each time I see a man sick and depressed, like that one who needed Jesus to be healed, I think of how they have felt (Jn 5:7).

Ok!

I know I cannot get certain things. Some miracles aren´t to be taken for anything granted but, if I received a gift, I should remember these words Jesus said for a man who was instantly healed: “Joh 5:14 Later, Jesus met the man in the temple and told him, "You are now well. But don't sin anymore or something worse might happen to you." 

I deserve nothing I was given.

I deserve nothing I thought I had the right to get or receive (except I toiled or fought for).

When you get that job you wanted, you did your best and, sometimes, many people are doing (or have done) better things than you so, if they get what you missed, don´t feel discouraged or don´t see its negative side solely: Another person could be blessed too! It doesn´t matter how hard you´ve tried, you´re not the only person “worthy” to be blessed by their merits or by God´s will.

No pain, no gain?

Luk 9:23 Then Jesus said to all the people: If any of you want to be my followers, you must forget about yourself. You must take up your cross each day and follow me.


But look at Samson! How much money would you bet that he was handsome, as any of those actors Hollywood has hired to play those movies we have seen?

He wanted one wife and, as soon as she wished, he lost her in one single night. Where are those hopes he had? (Jdg 14:3) Where have gone that money he spent for a wedding?

God knew what He wanted from Samson (Jdg 13:5) and the end result was not his death, but the time he served in Israel (Jdg 15:20)

No pain, no gain.


Samson enjoyed that love relationship with the woman who betrayed and sold him out. He was sexually or sensually rewarded with Delilah but, was it a life to be endured and count on?

There´re too many rewarding things in life, but Jesus chose the best: Loving God(Jn 15:10)

A.T.