To some who reads with her heart…

Music like languages, are made of sounds. I ventured to check your German, and guess what? It sounds like a native speaker.

We are not musicians, but we have a trained earing. We "see" how a player plays it well or ugly. I don´t know why, but we are trained to listen to BEAUTY and some birds eagerly sing from the bottom, too. The thing most be within the heart, the core being dressed up with human skins.

"I enjoy reading very much". If you are used to read aloud, to make sound records of your readings, I´d like to hear some of those MP3, ´cause I felt it like a child paying attention to that reading, and I wondered you also read for your children and husband, and such reading is vivid, enthusiastic, motivational (I´d say).

Make records and send them to blind kids. You could open their eyes by sights! And don´t feel offended if I, an old man -like me- opens his heart and tells you what he never felt this way. When I heard your reading I imagined myself being part of a Disney´s movie. So you have a healing voice God can use to bring joy, health... to whomever it reaches. Perhaps is not your voice alone, but a pure heart beneath. 

Thank you for bringing me this joy today (it tastes like that cup of coffee I have shown, from you).

Jealousy operates

By last June 2012 I had a penfriend who came back to Venezuela from Colombia. I had no idea on how her life could be and it was her smart idea to meet, so I accepted on the basis she wanted to give me that surprise as a birthday present...

She was a young looking woman. I thought she was in the habit of using her "old" pictures on facebook, but I had more than a year reading her blog notes on www.pecado.com. That was the woman I wanted to help, and I did it to certain degree (but I never thought she has so many fans flirting or wooing her).

When I gave her access to facebook I noticed lots of pictures. I saw but I few of hers, but she insisted on clicking “LIKE” to each and all of my pictures (so I got confused and thought she actually LIKED me).

After the first met, in fact that day we met, I felt it was my time to tell her how much I have liked her pictures (I din´t see all, just because she was with many men around or MANY were clicking I LIKE or posting words to flirt). 

We met by 3 pm, and did not stop paying attention to each other the time we noticed it was 10 pm. That moment I insisted to bring her to her house, because Caracas is a dangerous city and we went walking (I have no car).

After that first blind date (I wasn´t sure those pictures were the nice looking woman she really is).

We met frequently, on the basis of sharing time on chats, reading love poems I wrote for her, SMS messages or phone calls...

I stopped myself from loving (liking her) when I realized she had another SHE LIKED who invited her to go to Spain. He paid and sent the round airplane tickets from Europe, and I wasn´t sure he really knew I was dating her by those days and, besides this, I considered she was cheating someone (specially me) because I have believed the sweet and kind words she used to say wooing (and there were kisses, close hugs and the harm tenderness I missed for years) and that day she wanted sex (I never touched her that way) my jealousy ran out to understand she was a liar (or an unsafe person to trust all my heart). That day I understood she was willing to spend a month in Europe, but unwilling to spend one night in my own house.

What was I doing there? I faced the truth...

She was a "loving" person not interested in being utterly committed, so that hurt me more than those words I have believed, and I undergone the simple choice taken and the rejection she made: I needed love! (I thought she was the woman I needed) and my seeking was not for sex (but that helped me to understand I´m not able to love again, if my wallet still being empty or coping with people like that).

Her right choice and uncovered cheating helped me to overcome the fantasy of being remarried (I have to be rich enough to get that dream done).

Jealousy operates same way.

A.T.                 Dec 26, 2012

A man like me

Interesting, brother! 

The way you approached this subject on how you think religion is seems to be true, but it´s not. Catholics in your country are those people you´ve mentioned. Here, a catholic, is a man (like me) who may unite to a woman and never would marry (no matter if she is pregnant). A catholic here, is a man, like me, who woos all the girls he may attract, and would cheat on most of them, just because he may think, for himself: "God loves me! And those girls wanted me to "love" them, without the commitment of marriage".

A catholic man here, is a man who goes to a party, like me, and pretends to be engaged with any woman who smiles at first sight at pays no attention if she is married or not, because he is a sinner, like me, who says for himself: "If she is willing to love, I´m a willing man" (and cares very little if friends give him disapproval for doing such a sin of cheating or “helping” others to cheat).

Such a catholic man goes to a church and later on, any day, goes to spiritual session to consult a gypsy or a sorcerer, just to get information on the business he needs and seeks or the woman he likes or could meet soon... This "catholic" man -like me- goes to a party and get drunk (or drugged) and cares very little on what he says or does. Later on, like me, he addresses a prayer to any "saint" (an idol) just to get some help on his/her cause.

No, my friend! 

In October 2011, I wanted to love and be loved, and felt same way all catholic men fall "in" love here and, at the long run; we hurt and make no good.

After a year, once again, I thought I have found the correct woman by June - September 2012 (I´m sure it was love!). This woman had many interesting things on behalf of her: “She was like me”, I would say. But she had another man she liked (she “told” me later) and I believed she was honest enough… She was in the process of being healed and divorced (while a man overseas called her to leave Venezuela). She told me she never intended to hurt me, but having a relationship with two men, at least (I have hurt more than that).

But this love lesson taught me I was unable to give more than some men could give.

How come could I be better than I am?

Why haven´t I had the presentiment of something going wrong?

Let´s suppose I have a good job, let´s imagine I´m handsome enough… How could I control a woman´s heart? (I´ve failed same way).

In the past, I used to be like these people I avoid now: I stole, I cheated, I did wrong, but I stopped.

I´ve heard Catholics use no idols there.

Here we have men or women set up in our family altars. We worship beauty, money, pleasure… And no matter what denomination we say we belong or attend to.

Here I´ve known how the "virgin" Mary is addressed in their prayers as “mother and savior”.

Can´t they read the Bible? Why do they not pay attention to what Acts 4:12 says?

Can you tell me what miracle empowered the apostles or churches to save people?

Tell me where the Gospel teaches me I should call on the “virgin” Mary to be saved.  The Bible warns me enough on whom I must trust.

No regret on being an atheistic who believes the Bibles has some add-ons, believing it is not enough to build a love relationship with God, especially if I´m not listening to His personal and direct voice.

For such an atheistic man -like me- it is like being “a friend” of Oscar Wilde or Emily Brontë, just for the reason I read their books or ideas, while pretending I can learn to sort out my deepest needs, unsolved questions or human longings just by using whatever thing these writers have said and written on their books.

I thank God that He brings us living answers at any time.

I´m happy that, someday, we´ll find what we were seeking; but reading the Bible is not enough if we miss our daily longings to interact with His Spirit and our human needs.

I´m not lying if I say most of Disney´s movies have some elements related to magic solutions and “miraculous” fascination like love potions, enchantments and spelled things that help sort out human needs connected to love, power, desires…

I can´t cast words that change my whole life, but my desires are the same any man wishes like Disney´s. Are not these things shown on the Bible?:  The power of a final resurrection, life after life, miraculous feeding of people, walking over the water, the appearing of helping angels, the healing power of love and being forgiven to love… These are some of the biblical formulae worked on God´s side, too.

Devotional times are sought while being here assembled and considered His sheep.

Prayers are cast to find divine answers to human feelings, unaccomplished desires on a new human condition, but strong emotional times are followed -while and after- of being a Catholic man like me, who sins denying I´m a sinner.

How different am I from Adam? I want myself to be god to please my life the best way I consider.

If I could, I´d find the way to live my own life, being my own god.

Brother! There are many kinds of religious syncretism on earth.

Some may say that marriage is not needed to enjoy a woman as a wife, same way there´s no need to pay what we´ve put into our pocket or backpack when going to a market place...

I´m sure, I´m Sure! Such a faith serves for nothing in my life.

I´m sure I´ll be saved because of God´s love and faith for me. He knows who I am, who I´m trying to be without knowing what hinders me to reach what I have liked the whole life. That salvation -if occurs- will be my second chance to change what I was unwilling to accept: My inability to be like He is.  

Many people will be saved, but such a divine faith does good, instead of wrong. 

Could I stop myself from doing evil? (Yes! Yes! Trusting He who loves me more than I could).

Let´s say I´m ALWAYS far from getting my salvation for doing good deeds (that´s true) but the importance of faith is not utterly mine, but that God has put on me. It´s not that that would operate on me for doing good, but that He has put on ALL sinners to help us change and convert from sinning: This is an ACT OF FAITH FROM US.  

God trusts on me to change, even He knows I´m an unfaithful sinner. I should expect failures. I unwillingly could come short to please my flesh, my passions or stupidity... That´s the kind of divine faith I see we humans are granted, that God knowing the kind of human man I AM, He still trusting on me to utterly change.

That´s LOVE brother! 

I don´t know how to bypass my human desires, my longings, and He insists on me to change, because He let me know how I am each time I failed doing wrong.

Once I know how I behaved (like any man in this world) I know we all deserve mercy, and He blesses us with a second and third chance to change and be converted: He trusted me! He trusts you! (And He does the same with any man/woman).

As you said, Robert: “it seems to me that most of the Catholic men's and women's problems center around their reliance of freely sinning with an excuse of being able to run to their priest and being forgiven.  And also their insulation from God because they interface with idols, medals, things to wear, interfacing with Mary, dead saints and patron saints”.

A.Toro       Dec 2012