sábado, 30 de junio de 2012

En tanto me quede vida




De la conversación de este día aprendí varias cosas, pero, las que voy a comentar son estas:

·         Puede que ME ENAMORE RÁPIDO, pero sólo de quien sea (o yo confíe) que no hará q el esfuerzo y la inversión emocional no haya valido la pena.

·          Eso NO significa que me enamore rápido.

·         Que tienes altos valores, que tus principios son comparados (revisados) entre QUIEN ERES y los que te muestra la gente de tu mundo, y ANALIZAS -con detalle- tu lugar y en el que deberías estar ¡Y HACES MUY BIEN EN EVALUARTE!  

·         Que inspiras confianza EN OTRAS PERSONAS y que eres un canal de bendición para ellas, al punto que te consultan, TE INVITAN A COMPARTIR TIEMPO CON ELLAS y, de seguro -como yo- ellas no serán las únicas personas que te consultarán, que te LLAMARÁN con la excusa de sólo OIRTE (no sólo por tu bella voz), sino por esas cualidades tuyas que INSPIRAN CONFIANZA, placer, sea una amistad tangible o distante.

Por último, y eso tiene que ver conmigo, NO SÓLO TIENES UNA VOZ DELICIOSA (que es lo único tangible que tengo, hasta el sol de hoy), una sonrisa genuina (en nada fingida) que debe alumbrar la cara de tus amistades, una inteligencia descomunal (porque CONOCISTES A LOS VARONES desde muy chiquita).

Todas esas cosas juntas, y el haber confirmado "que me enamoro fácil" (cosa que no lamento y me alegro de ello) (particularmente si es de una sola persona, luego que haya evaluado "seguro" el terreno donde querría plantar la semilla del amor y otra serie de cosas), me impulsan a pedirte o a rogarte que, CUALQUIER DÍA que tengas chance de grabar un MP3 con tu voz, un registro de nuestras conversaciones o lo que se le parezca, siéntete en plena y completa libertad DE COMPARTIRLA CONMIGO o de regalármela, pues, me dejas quedo, relajado -casi como en un embeleso- y así es como planeo vivir lo que me quede de vida.

Let your marriage class know



Let your marriage class know that MEN love differently. Let those men know women love MANY, instead of only one and, if a couple has a loving relationship CENTERED on God´s views and ways, that relationship will endure almost anything.

I can´t verbalize (now) the love lesson my life has faced, but I assure men and women that we have to love ONLY one mate, that our devotion should be to ONE, emotionally and physically, and that some women tend to love more than one men (the thing I really regret).
Of course! 10 women do not represent hundreds of them, but I´m convinced that very few confess they love more than one men, they hide him in secrecy (I know this and have learnt it from my youth: With my grandmother, with my aunts, my lovers, my ex-wife, a new friend, and with a relationship that left my heart broken) And I heal quickly! (it´s just a matter to pray, to fast and seek God's guidance again).

Tell them to be faithful, to love their spouses and honor the bed where they sleep their dreams.
Tell them Love is deeper than I thought it could be, and no one has written a better love lesson  than God and His Only Son, Jesus Christ.

jueves, 17 de mayo de 2012

Leaving all over.




I left the school to be my teacher.
I left the rulers to be my master.
I left society to be my own... 

I´ll be saved if He (God) wants me to be saved.
That´s not my personal decision solely.

If I cannot prevail here, if I cannot sort earthly and material things out of my daily living, no matter what I trust or desire to be here.

How could I sort the eternals out? ( Believing, with disbelievings? )

I challenged God to show up His love, much more than in that way He showed Jesus Christ or to any in the real experiences of life He made for His chosen ones: In the past and in the present also. 

Such a LOVE is an eternal decision He could make, same way we have had and tried with our wifes, children, family or neighbors on the block.

These are my bottom line beliefs or disbeliefs.

He knows me better than I am.
His love is perfect, I´m lacking everything (He knows it).

Could I add anything to be higher than being a stupid human, a sinner, using the brain and the tools He gave me to walk this earthly passing away?

I could not live a life pleasing Him, although I´ll keep on trying to see what I´d achieve but, anything bigger than my human thinking cannot be easily reached.


domingo, 6 de mayo de 2012

An Equal Condition Agreement?

Metas / Goals

Directas/ Directs:

            Matrimonio y mudarme / remarry and relocation.
            ( ¿Con quién y dónde? / Whom and where? ).

Secundarias / Indirects:

            Hallar afinidades con semejantes que comulguen con ideas judeo-cristianas.
            Finding out common ground on people dealing with jewish/christians ideas.




La amistad no es una necesidad, ni una prioridad, pero las afinidades se descubren en esas interacciones.

Friendship is not an aim nor my priority, buy it serves to search afinities and likes.

Puedo continuar la vida siendo ignorado o despedido por muchos seres; pero tengo bastante con mi proceso de selección “natural” en la calle. ¡Ja! ¡Ja! (sería una mentira no admitirlo).

I don´t care being ignored or dismissed. I have enough avoiding people on the streets, so stay where you are if you want to push me to get your first place or nowhere. (I love Ezekiel 34:18-19).

No soy religioso, pero tengo algunas nociones y no voy a controvertirlas.
I have some religious notions and ain´t going to fight against yours.

La Biblia es uno de los libros que consulto y, aunque no le tengo absoluta confianza, me basta ese 50% que va transformando mi vida. Si eres más “mundano” que yo (lo dudo) vivir de este modo puede efectarte,

The Bible is one is the books I often check. I don´t trust it 100 % as “Holy” or full Scripture,  but that 50% I relied on serves me to live the life I actually live. If you´re not a Christian -please- stay away! You could be hurt believing this way.

Trato de vivir de acuerdo a las enseñanzas de Jesucristo, siempre que no contradigan mi razón y sinceridad: No puedo amar a mis enemigos y soy humanamente falible (Si Uds lo hacen mejor, presúmanlo a solas).

I try to live according to Jesus´ teachings -as far as they don´t contradict my reason or my honest possibilities: I can´t love my enemies and, if you´ve done it, congratulate yourselves.

Si eres una mujer “encantadora” y estás casada legal y emocionalmente -por favor- no me quemes mis últimos cartuchos ni mi tiempo. No me gusta jugar con los sentimientos de nadie, y desearía así pasaras conmigo; pero he hecho más daño que bien, y no es tan fácil detener las avalanchas de emociones o de expectativas, cuando ellas se desprenden: Una dama inflama llamas.

I wouldn´t like to deal with legal or emotionally married woman. If you are under 45, 5´,5” and less than 70 Kg, I have to shut my eyes. That´s too much to let me be driven by emotional expectations, so I´ll be discouraged if you´re a cheater or a scammer (I´m really poor). So please, prevent me from barking at the wrong tree. It´s not a simple connection I´d like to place, but I long term relationship with one who believes in building deeper associations. Take time to understand I´m really odd, old-fashioned, a poor “hermit” isolated from the normal stream of modern life... If you find anything in these handicaps, common ground in my affirmed limitations and shortcomings, let´s try to be friends (without this we have nothing, but typed letters on an empty screen).

Normalmente no me siento bien con gente pudiente, ni con gente del mundo de la salsa, ni católicos. Prefiero no relacionarme con católicos ni con incrédulos: La experiencia me ha dicho que no congeniaremos y, el final siempre es el mismo. El mundo no ha sido hecho para capricho personal de nadie y, querámoslo o no, todos vamos en piloto automático en la dirección que nos gusta o nos convenga (para decidir entre alternativas) pero he preferido declararlo y aclararlo: Su tiempo es valioso, tanto como el mío.

I don´t cope with rich people, except when working. I´ve decided to avoid certain relationships that cannot remain and cannot be built. Crass pagans and uncommited people are bypassed here! I´m worst than some of them, but I´ve decided for my convenience: The yoke of a marriage is my utmost aim, and some of my views are different and hard to be please: I´m not a man of conventional standards and mine are UNDER popular expectations. I made my choice! It´s up to you to act accordingly to your reasons.

Creo en un Dios personal -algo misterioso- que no siempre “aparece” como sería deseable lo hiciese un genio dentro de la lámpara de Aladino. Me parece que no siempre estaré de acuerdo en cómo hace o haya hecho Sus cosas, pero Él es soberano y tiene absoluta potestad de hacer como hace, incluso sobre mi vida (aunque no me guste la cirugía que aplica sobre mi vida) ¡He de subordinarme! Si tu fe es una de esos grupos sectarios, mayoritarios o minoritarios, no formo ni me identifico con ninguna institución humana y, si me quieres meter en uno de esos frascos clasificadores, pónme en el de la Cristiandad, pero entre la disidencia, los que no creen en “líderes” humanos, ni desean estar sujetos a la voluntad de otros (sino a la mía y lo que me diga la razón). Tengo muchos años y creo en esas palabras de Jesús que dicen: “Bástale al discípulo llegar a ser como su Maestro”. Me gustan porque no sólo me animan a lo autodidacta, sino a imitarle y a la independencia, respecto a otros que se proponen como “maestros” (yo no lo soy, excepto par mí mismo). Tu interpretación de muchas cosas puede ser distinta, convergente o diferente, pero la tuya es tan válida como la mía (y me quedo con la mía). Si eres sectaria o sectario, denominacionalista, déjame tranquilo en esta esquina de la hoja donde escribo: Quizá nos parecemos tanto que nos heriremos; pero soy bueno argumentando con mis ideas, comulgándolas conmigo mismo, y fíjate en el empeño que pongo para que me comprendas, si es que llegas a hacerlo: Yo soy yo (tú eres tú).

I believe in a personal God. He´s powerful, smarter than intelligence and sovereign enouh to make His own heavenly and earthly will to be done. I haven´t always agreed what He´s doing, but we both are free to make decisions, and mine are to be surrendered to His (I´d better). If you belong to any denominationalistic group or sectarism, I do not belong to you. I have years fighting alone with false teachings and I have reasons to be like I am, same as you. I don´t believe we need todays  priesthood and post apostolic teachings (I´m centered on Jesus and Old Scripture) but this is not enough to be saved: I need his Grace, His Mercy. My trust relies 100% on God´s mercy and his understanding, not the Church´s. Just because I don´t like to be piled with sinners (worst or similar to me) who like to give orders, but seldom fall on their knees.

En el supuesto que yo encuentre alguna afinidad o relación afectiva, con el atractivo emocional y físico suficiente, tendré que ganarme la lotería para mantenerla: No gano lo suficiente (ni siquiera para mí mismo). Así que será un verdadero milagro si vuelvo a casarme, pero –por vía de mutua concesión- conviene que indiquemos, en la Internet, que estamos comprometidos en una relación afectiva, y más si llegáramos al dulce milagro de conocernos personalmente (y para mí no tendría caso seguir en la internet, excepto para publicar alguna de mis ideas, que espero le sirvan a alguien, en el tiempo). ¿No has visto qué cosas hace la gente cuando se siente sola y aburrida? Sé de casos, de hombres y mujeres, que se ponen a buscar a otra pareja (incluso exploran las emociones de su otro género sexual). Puede que me haya parecido “excitante” mirar un par de videos porno, pero hay quienes no tienen consciencia del poder adictivo NI LAS CONCECUENCIAS de esa forma de indulgencias que se suela dar uno (y más cuando hace tiempo no le da holgura a sus necesidades viscerales) y, pese a que he aprendido que todo esto es como una droga (que hiere, deprime o mata), no estoy dispuesto a reincidencias: Sea padecer una infidelidad emocional o física, sea dedicar tiempo a relaciones estériles y sin propósito, o vincularme a personas que no tienen lo que yo sé busco (o yo mismo carezco). ¡Estoy bien consciente! No perderé más tiempo (pero dejo la nota, para que sirva de guía a otro alfabeto).

Let´s suppose we find out here a real affinity, common ground on essential ideas (God) and we cling emotionally to our likes and physical bodies (I´ve lived this). It´s very convenient we both make the concession of telling the truth that we´re emotionally engaged. If there´s no an open and public commitment, this relationship is not worth of OUR time. I have not a better possession than this simple and mortal life I´m avoiding to be wasting (Do you have extra time? Life after life?).
I don´t like to fail twice, and I´ve been discouraged from hurting me and other people. If you are there, somewhere surfing this piece of advice, please me know about it: I´m blind and seeking to see life. This could be the beginning of an Equal Condition Agreement, a love condition to utterly love.

I´ve warned scammers! I´m really poor.

I told you thrice: I´m an old man daydreaming!

(but I´ve written the beginning of an Equal Condition Agreement).

jueves, 19 de abril de 2012

I´m a sinner... I´m a sinner!



Well, I was baptized (in water) by 1994, but I´m growing these days.

Today, by the way, I got more insight on God´s plan when watching some videos from www.freechristianteaching.org

There, my friend Dr Richard Kent sent me 4 DVDs I saw last night and understood some things I have passed or left behind when walking life my way (Today it was a kind of reconvertion, I´d say).

I´d like to spread the word, I like your advise.
In fact, I´ve been writing for years, and I´ve been searching for clues (just because I think God has much more to say than what is written on the Bible). I mean, I believe HE MUST BE PERSONAL, so I´m trying to learn (or GUESS) from Him and I was seriusly discouraged (I said: I was), and I have abandoned that quest (a couple of years) and I still insist on seeking HIS PERSONAL VOICE (there are many things I think now, but I don´t know how to express them in verbalized words, even in my own tongue).




This is in my soul! (I wish I pour it out BEFORE HIM).

If I were allowed, I could send you some links for you to check and, afterwards, if your are pleased, you can say if I´ll be worth of listening. But I consider I need a personal encounter with God first.

There were many who met Him or HEARD Him, and did (and do) the job, but if He doesn´t talk to me -in a living and comprenhensive way- how could I help others WHO NEED DESPERATELY a personal encounter with God or Jesus Christ?

For me is enough (what I got today serves me well), but how could I tell the world the the Bible is enough? or how could I say it serves well as a "Service Manual" for a living creature who needs His PERSONAL assurance? A personal RELATIONSHIP to listen to His personal voice (I know He is) (I know He reads what I write and have written).

While reading the Bible I have found some little faults.

These aren´t enough to discredit the traditional "accuracy" of the Old Testament, but these hinder me to believe on the full inspiration on the New Testament.

Allow me to mention some of these:

Matt 23:35 contradicts Jer. 31:30 or Ezekiel 18:4.

In Matt 27: 9  I´ve seen a mistake when not saying it was Zacarías 11:12-13 (but someone wrote Jeremiah) (and I have checked the hebrew words, just to see if they were too similars to cause such a confusion: They were not so!)

If these faults ARE HUMANS´. I agree (they are!).

How could I say, like Paul (or whoever) "All Scripture is inspired"?. (I believe on the Old Testament) (Jesus mentioned some portions of it) (Scripture were fulfilled with Jesus, only).

In Jesus´ times there were no "New Testament", no such writers to speak about. So, when He spoke about the Scripture He spoke about the Old Testament writers.

Of course, the issue is that IT IS still INSPIRED, but I can´t tell the world "it is" up to the moment God helps me to overcome this lack of satisfaction (a human one) because these HUMAN faults made me think THERE COULD BE MORE MISTAKES (and many could be intentionally placed).

(Placed by people like the emperor Constantine to rule Rome, and the world of his days). 

Do you understand me? I´m a human being who needs to deal with reasonable things like these.

What if the Lord´s day was manipulated from saturday? The Old Testament said "saturday" would be "forever".

I´m sure I don´t need circuncision, but If I?
(I know this will not save me, but GOD´S will) but I do need to understand FROM HIS LIPS. (and the world needs Him also). 

Circuncision was for a purpose I can´t mention here, and it served Israel to be as it is now (out dated purpose) (Nothing to write home now).

If He talked DIRECTLY to the prophets, He could talk to me: That´s the point! (although I serve for nothing someone else could do).

And if He does it, I mean -talking to me- the WHOLE world is His: I cannot sell a product if I haven´t use it first. Millions need this. And Jesus is His word, but WE NEED RELATIONSHIPs, and a serie of books nor a BLOG can´t serve for this purpose.

I cannot imagine how much people are wandering and asking for my same honest petition. It´s not hard, but the pain of the need itself.

I believe He´s resurrected, but I need to listen to Him.

I don´t need my eyes, but a word that is much better heard than seen.


Is it too much what I asked?

Pauls and many said He spoke... 

Am I too far (from Him) to be heard or read?

I know I don´t (I´m here! pouring this feeling out) and, whatever I need to correct -HE KNOWS- He may say IT and I have it corrected.

I´m not better than any other sinner on earth, but I´m sure I´m not worst.

I´m a sinner... I´m a sinner!

and He knows what each human being needs.

miércoles, 18 de abril de 2012

I wish I´d be nobody.





Nobody is perfect.
Nobody knows FULL happiness.

Nobody UNDERSTANDs you.
Nobody likes you.

Nobody needs you...
Nobody loves you (like I do).




domingo, 1 de abril de 2012

Public Confession


Let´s say my public confession is not exact, as it is. Let´s say I´m wrong, far from the accuracy of the view of my faulty feelings so, when Jesus comes, my nudity will be exposed to my shame in public.
Let me say there are things I never confessed, such as that lust I never pleased to full satisfaction and those things I did or said that never meant.
I stole, I lied, I killed.
I did things the other way around.
I lied, I cheated. 
That´s why I know these hurt.
I do not write for you. I do write for my sake.
These words will not lessen my guilt. These will not reduce the condemn I deserve. 
I cannot hide my faults and these help me nothing to find alibis or a remedy.
I´m a sinner! And I am not proud of this. I did wrong. And there is no chance to change the past (but the present) to make things anew, as an amendment.
Resentments? There are! I made things wrong and hurt.
I did more things I should. I hurt instead of loving. I killed instead of bringing life; and there is no chance to mend or apologize. 
I abused the innocent. I lied to get physical release and cheated up to the moment I knew that hurts.
I wish I had known all these things I now know.
Will I change the past?
Will I be back to ask them to forgive?
I wish I knew what I could, but there's no time to cry over leftover. 
I'm leaving life and I don't know why I came here...
A. Toro           May, 2013