Are you aware?

The first thought I have this morning was to write few ideas I had. Sometimes I have thought that I´m too slow to type while I lack time to ponder what I thought but, are you aware what´s misogyny or androgyny?

I have no idea about you (1).

I don´t know how you´re grown (2)

Do you love your father?

Do you love -equally- your mother?

If you see any difference in the size of that love, that´s normal!

It´s not easy to love several person the same amount or quality.

If you are a man you would love “easily” one, instead of the other.

If you are a woman, it´s expected you love a man more than a woman (and only you know whom you decided to love).

I started to believe misogyny or androgyny came to be so because someone has broken a heart. If you dislike a gender (even the human race) it´s because some hurt you so bad... I will not tell it more.

Think!

Are you aware of it?

Lesbians were so hurt that they tried another way.

Sodomy came “to be” because several things (several sins) were hindering the normal way to express love and affection.

In fact homosexuality came to destroy love and the natural love bond a family should have.

A further thought: Do you believe Mary, the virgin, is the mother of God? (as Catholics say). How come that a creature gave birth a Creator?

Without offending your beliefs I want to tell you that that “teaching” came as another add-on just to help millions of people to restore the wrong and distorted image a parent gave their sons or daughters.

Is child abuse a new thing?

Incest is not a new thing!

Have you read about two daughters having sex with their dad? 

Read it on Gen 19:30 – 36.

The Bible could teach old things that are “forgotten” for those who want to ignore them, just like using your finger to hide the sun.

If you hate a person, whatever the type she / he is, it is because you felt hurt (or offended) and you can Google to read more on these simple ideas I have left.

If you truly want your life restored, please, I do beg you to read about hundreds a people who wrote about their life, their decisions and those things witnessing GOD is still alive loving you the way you are: The place and the condition you are aware of!

Hope you also enjoy this testimony, from a person whose heart was healed:

http://christianchat.com/testimonies/94191-saved-his-mercy-grace-freed-spirit-fear.html#post1582367

As someone you would listen to...

 I have read the “love” story of Isaac and Rebekkah a couple of times. I´m not sure if it was given as a lesson for young people or old, but I like to say a word about it, then sue me or throw your stones.

As a father or person, I disliked Laban. His attitudes and ways suck, particularly when he tricked Jacob, when this worked so hard to get Rachel home.

The moment I saw him in Gen  24:29-30 (As soon as he saw the ring and the bracelets on his sister's arms)  I felt what I know about me... I think my sons are not like that but, how could it be when my daughter gets older, and one of her brothers behaves like that way?

Well, in short, I think that story teaches a lot on how giving up a daughter and what type of assurance a woman (and her family) needs to let her go.

Rebekkah left home with assistants. She went to see Isaac´s face, to meet him personally and yet she had the right to say “yes” or “not”.

Isaac´s dad was the wealthy. I don´t know how rich (or good worker) Isaac was, except he was Abraham´s heir. And my question, as a father: What kind of man would you give your daughter? (if that depended from you will).

Abraham´s fatherhood was blessed, not materially, but spiritually (Gen_17:21  But I will establish my covenant with Isaac...). I do believe it was God´s business on that matchmaking and, as Laban might have seen, Abraham was a good provider, since his son Issac enjoyed his wealth before Abraham was dead. Laban and his father Bethuel acknowledged Abraham, instead of Isaac´s genetic or social rank.

They assumed if Abraham spared nothing to convinced them so splendidly, there was no doubt he would care for their wedding and marriage. Will you marry your daughter with someone who has no work experience at all? With one who hasn´t finished high school, who is used to live on alms?

Those friends I knew went to meet their loved ones paying the cost, the time and the troubles. Those I have heard of (and seen) traveled a big deal of miles, and also paid their tickets and some other few were kind enough to pay for those they wanted to meet and know.

Abraham paid his servants the airplane ticket to meet one woman for his son Isaac. I think if he was younger or strong, he would have traveled to meet his relatives in Paddam-aram.

Will you send your daughter to meet a man alone?

Will you give her so freely? I guess not and I tell you why: We knew the world.

Bethuel sent his daughter with “guards”. She was with her helpers and, surely, they cared for their own life ( Gen 24:59, 61 ). Will you be happy is your sister or daughter leaves alone?

My mother got married to get rid of her mom (my grandma). She felt so abused (and tired) that she made that decision and it took her two years to be divorced (with one baby). How could one simple person care easily her child, alone?

Those I knew came to visit their loved ones and, asap they knew they could cope with one another they got married and, some others, moved abroad.

I saw one Mexican came to visit the one he was “dating” online. I´d witness about her relationship until the time she was visited and taken away, to be married somewhere else (just to ease the visa and those papers).

When I felt I had enough money to meet the one I loved in Colombia,  I made that trip and, without knowing it, she asked me to live with me in Venezuela, so I paid her trip my home (and also paid bribes to get her through, because she lacked the visa).

I don´t feel comfortable when I don´t have money to pay my half, or my share. I rather stay home (alone) than expecting someone helped me when I could not afford a travel abroad, not even an ice cream I deserved.

Believe me when I say I know what it is like that comfort zone: You asked and I paid. It could be also the other way around (I asked and you paid) but that is not fair and, of course, it´s the easy way for someone else´s advantage. The answer is “you asked and you paid” or “I asked and I paid”.

Would you let your sister go abroad alone (with someone who can´t not pay his airplane ticket to visit you, as her parents)?

Will you give your daughter money to visit someone you don´t know, in other state or nation?

This week my mother told me she wanted to take Joy on vacations... When I told Joy, she asked me if she could bring someone else into that trip. I said: “How come, Joy? My mother´s invitation is for you, alone, how come you thought about someone else she doesn´t know?” Even if I knew her friend, I will not take that responsibility, neither my mother.

Hope she would listen to this.

Puzzled

I´m puzzled about what future life would be, in eternity. Jesus said we´re not going to marry, we´re going to be like angels (Mark 12:25), so I have no idea what I would do there, except than traveling, discovering and worshiping the Almighty One.

Who knows if my detaching process has anything to do with it, though I´m not as detached as I think or say I am. I do like many earthly things I´m trying to wave goodbye, to renounce by denouncing each of those I said.

Probably I have more than one cable wrongly wired.

What kind of live would that be, in heavens?

What kind of love will that be, when I know how to express or feel it? What´s the difference if it´s felt with the mind (or its spirit) and those sensations lacked a body to convey them in?

I´m puzzled!

Last night I shared the sad experience I have when my mom attacked my dad with a knife, when I was little child, although I never saw his abuses and, however, on December 2013 my mom told me he was also an abuser and she told me the story where he tried to rape her (he probably did it) and she bit his tongue to escape (so she was acting in self defense) any time, she wanted to get rid of his abuse, his cheating and, as she said (and I don´t know my dad´s version) he also lived at her detriment, for some time, when she sent money for her two children and he used it to gratify himself, not taking care of their two children (I thing I don´t totally believed it, because I have written evidence he cared for us) (and by reading his letters with my grandmother´s, he also said he gave her some money to take care of a new baby she got from another man she encountered). Dudes! However, at her age, there´s no need to lie, and he could have lied to my siblings.

Any of them cheated on or hurt the other! Both were guilty -and responsible- for their wrong doings.

What would that be in the realm of eternity? No tricks, no pains and no hurtful memories.

People here tried the best possible answers to cope with, to understand each people we have liked (or wanted) but, what eternity could be without those drives, love bonds and the things we knew we cling to?

I´m puzzled!

Those eyes we liked, those smiles we felt. Those arms we´ve missed, those hugs we gave and received... Where are they going to be? Warm kisses, sweet words and those promises and desires… All of them gone?

I need to die to be born, anew.

Today, this very morning I knew another thing about me: Why am I drawn to women in troubles? Those I see without worries are out my concern or attention. Those I see married I left alone and, those who shared their needs with mine, those likes acknowledged -with similar interests- were sought and I wasn´t aware of, as unintended these were. How could I know who I am in the future?

Those I saw big for me, full featured, I ignored.

Those I saw too showy, too sexy or eager to be seen, I passed by.

Who am I to be in a new “world” order, if allowed to live a second life?

No doubt jewelry was used to draw people´s eyes and attention. Sometimes clothing was used for the same reason, though it was used to hide what they wanted to hide or protect, sometimes. Fashion served to make people looked different, somewhat desirable, different for themselves, somewhat interesting and seldom naive.

The more any person had, the more she / he showed.

What an angel could do to be seen or liked? Known or desired? (Rev. 19:10, 22:9)

You could be the person you are (or aren´t) on demand. You could guess how you are by hearing people´s opinions, because we´re not good enough at looking at those mirrors we heard or saw, we only see what we want to see and, of course, outsiders are less subjective than we do (sometimes).

As an example, recently I found a school report when I was a child and one of my teachers wrote: He likes to work alone... True! When I was asked to work in teams I didn´t know who to choose and that same handicapped disadvantage was for everyone else and, when picking someone out of groups, we all liked those who were known as good students, with good grades. Have you experienced the same?

We chose the “best”, those we thought were suitable, trustworthy, and the same standard was used to pick the persons we wanted to love, to share part of our life.

Being honest, we were not the best student in school groups. Sometimes we were lazy, we´d liked our comfort zone, and some were doing more than us (of course, sometimes we were better workers) but the next question is: Why we failed when choosing mates to love?

I never planed a family. I never wanted children and, as far as I can remember, I wasn´t interested in rearing any, until the moment Joshua came into my life, with my ex-wife... I was so body-centered, as hedonist as I was.

I´m puzzled.

What earthly life was meant for? I never knew who was the best mate for me and, of course, I didn´t know how to discourage those who saw something good in me (Yes! Sometimes we had things others liked or desired).

As a project, some people came in to help us grow and, while backsliding, we helped others to develop new abilities, their character, etc. What eternity would be if I tend to be alone? Just around the company of those few I liked or enjoyed.

Perhaps it is useless I´ve planned to write about the profile of those peoples I have liked -or shared with.

I wasn´t the type around those ones who liked to lead, because I disliked to be led. I wasn´t friend with those I felt they tried to use me, though I gave several of them the chance to take as much as they could... I think it´d be nice to make that profile chart to know me better, to know some of those I haven´t considered while I was associated with them. Perhaps that was the reason why I couldn´t stay too long in the Scouts or several churches: When I felt I was led, I fled! And run.

I must admit I sometimes wanted to belong. I desired to be part of something bigger than me and, as far as I can remember, being a scout was one of those dreams. I couln´t do it while I was a child but, when being a teen, I only volunteered into two groups and, the one I enjoyed more it was far from my house and its leader was one of my close friends and, his leadership was “democratic”, shared by other´s opinions too but, when I moved to the one I had near home, there was a hierarchical line I didn´t wanted, I was often criticized, although I was nominatively friend of the family ruling that business... Was it the reason I, with several others, decided to make our own group as rovers, to scout?

Several parents disagreed. Some of them regretted that division and, each of us had a personal reason: We wanted to scout and they often wanted us to be in their pen doing nothing but lines and knots, solely what they wanted (Yes! And at each meeting they wanted the money they asked, thinking they deserve it).

Nino and Ramphis Molina, Alberto Gómez, me and several others names (I forgot) agreed on a new scouting group. We designed the uniform for “Konied” and it wasn´t theirs... It was ours! (Prov. 15:22)

While I was with them, they often said: “Your´re not allowed using that uniform outside our meetings.” I often said: “Why? I bought it with my own money... Who are you to tell me what to do?”. So I wore it as long as I could...

I enjoyed those days. I was part of something, I belonged to what I belonged and each person there was free to say and do, and we were friends, although I forgot their names -and probably not all their faces- but those moments we enjoyed and the things we did remained.

What life would be in eternity?

Do we have to be the same?

Do we have to look like they want us to be?

What´s that about being an individual?

Some church people say: “If you are not like us, your´re not going to be saved”. Some even dared to cry out loud -publicly- giving God orders, as if they knew -better- the things asked to God (so that is where I´m going to flee, hide and run).

“If you do not think like us, your´re not saved”, they said. And I know these ones are quite wrong: There´s no freedom of choice, just a few looked to be self-willed. And I want my free will, because it was given to give it up to the One who loved me more than no one else: God!

But, as long as I think of those things I´m thoughtful “reasoning”, while I try to write about those things typified as “profiles”, pondering those voices I have heard, those faces I´ve looked at -and why- I cannot grasp what life would be in eternity.

How would I know I am me or those I would meet, just in case I´d be allowed to live a second time?

Who knows! I´m puzzled. Although I´m not another cliché...

 A.T.

Love at Convenience

I have a dozen of things, like this and, of course, NO ONE would seek a lame, a sick (etc) to be on a date or an ill fated marriage (Both genders seek THEIR conveniences).

Marriage is -and was meant- to BRING life, it seldom was thought that materialistic way we often consider it NOW. If you have thought like this: “...what kinds of plans is he making for their provision after he dies?) It's a reality of life that must be considered.” Don´t be surprised, because it is “safety” what you are seeking, your well-being also and, at 20-30 “economic safety for TOMORROW” is seldom found at youth, unless marrying a nerd like Bill Gates.

I CAN DIE TOMORROW OR within few days, economic insurance are needed to be married? We call it “marriage settlement” (what I have is mine, what you had is yours) but, I gave up my corpse to the UNIVERSITY, it is in my written WILL, to be used later on and to spare my family or children the time -and cost- of those things they have might have paid for my bills; but lately I found out my younger brother have paid for my coffin... Good! And Thanks, brother! What a useful present you bought for me (Ha! Ha!)

No one wants to die!

Chances are UNPREDICTABLE, and I have seen very clearly that“those who were bond to die within a week... They spent 10 years to really die and some -unborn babies- never reached their parents care... I see FEAR and a lack of faith! (I know it too, by personal experience):

“1Jn 4:17  If God's love is made perfect in us, we can be without fear on the day when God judges the world. We will be without fear, because in this world we are like Jesus.

1Jn 4:18  Where God's love is, there is no fear, because God's perfect love takes away fear. It is his punishment that makes a person fear. So his love is not made perfect in the one who has fear. ”

I respectfully took this:

“...what are your thoughts about what I'm going to do or what my life will be after you die? I know it sounds morbid, but it's a fact of life.”    May I ask?: What if you die first?

What would you give a teenager or an elder man when you die?

That´s “another” fact we had ignored (we all surely die, any moment).

Are you economically dependent or too reliant?

Don´t you know how to work?

I see there your fears (My advice, to a person viewing it like this is: Don´t get married, then! (Men or women) ´Cause ALL of us could die, any time).

I´m not calling you selfish or self-centered. Both of the spouses could die anytime but.

Are males and females willing to tell their BFs or GFs “I´m sick! And I´m going to die any time!” (I doubt it) so, if you are “healthy enough” and you die first, Would your family pay back all what your husband invested for love (or those stuff) he paid for you? That´s a materialist approach on how we could see marriage: It was designed to BRING LIFE, not things to have spared stock.

I will not marry twice, that´s a decision (Thanks God!) I cannot afford it and there´s not point on it, now.

I see you are over-concerned (and in fear): “but I admit that I would rebel in every way possible if God told me I needed to marry someone 20 years older than me who had no concern at all about what my life would be after he was gone. ” Isn´t that the same selfishness you said men had? Aren´t you being narcissist?

I agreed with you I don´t like people my own age. I don´t like fat ladies or taller than me. Those are my turn-offs but I never considered the age a people would die: That could be any moment now!

It seemed you are more concerned about “the one dying”, instead of considering BOTH could die any time... That are your fears!

Hope you marry the best one!

Tus zapatos

Hay un cobertizo oscuro de mi vida. Hay un pasadizo largo que no suelo visitar, porque lo repudio tanto como lo detesto...

Hace años, muchos más de lo que quisiera recordar, me dejé llevar por una serie de valores que la “sociedad” me imponía y -en parte- todo ello tenía sentido (pero no era necesario).

Ejemplos: Si había de tener un padrino, no debía ser alguien pobre porque -el rico- me podía comprar las cosas que yo quisiera, a conveniencia y, si al efecto de los fines de la fe católica me remitía, el padrino no era para eso y, en ese sentido (de mi parte) yo escogí mal, NO PENSANDO EN LOS AFECTOS, sino en mi conveniencia materialista (aunque todos mis padrinos fueron perfectos) y, en particular, mi tío Guillermo, quien resultó ser mi tío paterno.

Estoy escribiendo en español para que me entiendas pero, muchas personas, sólo se entienden a sí mismas, del mismo modo que sólo quieren oír lo que sus oídos desean (eso es narcisismo, por cierto).

Yo no sé Uds pero, con muchas molestias e inconveniencias, cursé toda mi primaria en un colegio privado, modesto, pero que produjo molestias a mi abuela, a los míos, tantos a los que me soportaron (y digo “me soportaron” por que yo era una mierdita, pero sin olor).

Recuerdo, con tristeza y algo más que pesar, algunas de las bromas que yo hacía hoy, con repudio, autocensura y no sé qué forma de vergüenza, puedo recordar a Mercedes... Ella era una joven aplicada, muy inteligente y participativa en clase y, no sé porqué razón, yo vivía para hacerla pasar el ridículo. No sé si era que yo buscaba una forma de protagonismo entre mis compañeros, no sé si de veras disfrutaba burlarme de la gente y joder a todos los que me daban la oportunidad pero ¡me burlé de quien se me antojó! (y repito, no querer indagar algunos motivos).

Cualquiera, en su sabiduría, hubiera dicho: “La envidia”, “La quiere” “No sabe cómo ganársela” pero, la verdad, sentía gran desprecio por su pobreza y, siendo pobre, resultaba más rica y humilde que muchas (y ello no significa que no se enojó, que no me soportó) y, la verdad, creo que su verdadero valor -como persona- se fortaleció por la basura que yo fui en su vida.

Mercedes, también, tenía un pariente cuyo nombre era Jesús. Era un hombre servicial, dispuesto a ir más allá de sus responsabilidades laborales y, pese a que yo fingía tratarlo con respeto, una relativa estimación por el cargo que tenía en mi escuela, cada vez que él se daba vueltas, yo me reía de su joroba, del estado de su dentadura, de lo que pensé era una actitud servilista con los curas de esa escuela (y parroquia) que recibió a un “diablillo” que se metía con medio mundo pero, que a nadie se le ocurriera metérsele con él: Eso si era un pecado capital.

Aquellos zapatos de Mercedes eran blancos, de patente y, por ser tan viejos, lo blanco parecía amarillo. No tengo idea de dónde inventé tantas cosas para reírme de ella, de Jesús y de tantos. Sé que, de mi parte, no los envidiaba y, confesando mis faltas -la verdad- secretamente les detestaba y, si me preguntan, diría que: “por ser pobres”, quizá por mansos y humildes y, más que eso, creo les envidiaba por la grandeza interior que yo no les supe ver ni valorar ¿Cómo soportarme? Y, que yo recuerde ¿Nunca me abofetearon? (aunque sí hubo reclamos y, ciertamente, merecí más que eso).

En más de una ocasión, por aquellos días, habían traído a Venezuela una flota de aviones Camberra (de Francia). Yo no sé cómo me las ingenié para echarle tantas vainas con sus “zapatos Camberra” o con con “esas lanchas” que yo las bautizaba sin motor fuera de borda... ¿Estaba yo sólo en las bromas? Creo que mi desdén no sólo alcanzó a muchos en mi salón, mi mala fama recorría toda la escuela y, lo que me preocupa no es que Dios me haya oído sino, que Dios sí haya oído sus lamentos, su sollozos, su pesar y sus lamentos... ¡Jamás me hizo daño! Y yo fui todo lo contrario y, aún escribiendo esto, recuerdo que nunca exteriorizó su enfado contra mí (Jesús si lo hizo) pero sabe Dios (Jesús, su abuelita y su hermana) las veces que le produje un descontento... ¡Eso del Bullying! No es nada nuevo para mí (todos pasamos por eso).

Crecí!

No sé cómo pasó el tiempo y, el “diablilllo” no era mejor. Así como me burlaba de Jesús, su dentadura, su defecto físico o mala ropa, me reí de todos y cuanto quise, así que -si alguna vez me pasa a mí lo mismo- no será nada nuevo: Yo lo hice antes.

Lo que tuve no lo mendigué. Lo que tuve, me lo dieron otros y, si no me lo daba mi familia, me lo dieron otros.

Cierta época de navidad no tuve zapatos de cuero para el “estreno”... Eso era una de las pendejeras que ya me habían enseñado como parte de la “cultura”, la pendeja tradición a la que -desde hace un tiempo- yo me he rebelado: La Navidad, y el que me impongan el modelo a seguir cuando no soy lo que no soy.

Mi abuela -como siempre- intercedía por mí y hoy, no despotrico de ello, sino que -por el contrario- lo recuerdo y lo afirmo con agradecimiento (con cierta sorpresa). No voy a idealizar un recuerdo de las cosas que tengo muy claras y, mas de una vez, los míos hicieron lo que hicieron para que mi hermano y yo tuviéramos lo que tuvimos ¡Eso sí lo recuerdo! (también).

Sin embargo, a cualquiera que viviese en un rancho, yo lo consideraba gente de segunda...

El tiempo pasó y tuve que vivir en un rancho (un trío de veces).

Una cosa era pasar “unas horas” en un rancho, otra tener que pasar semanas, meses o años. Una cosa era visitar a mi familia, otra era vivir en las condiciones en que vivieron...

Cerca de los 26 tuve la experiencia de ser sacado del nido, ese del que presumía mío (Gracias a Dios).

Hice parte con aquellos que, en más de un modo, desestimaba. ¡Vaya que sí!... Hasta vendí helados caseros en la calle, y me fabriqué mi propio “rancho”...

Hoy tengo una idea distinta de lo que es un rancho: No son lámina de zinc, por techo.

Un rancho es un montón de tablas que no salen de la cabeza, clavos oxidados que o se terminan de cambiar por un hogar o una verdadera casa (y eso no tiene nada que ver con los benditos zapatos de Mercedes).

Un rancho es la sinrazón de presumir cuando no se debe presumir. Un rancho es una pila de mentiras construidas sobre el bahareque de la nada, en el caprichoso narcisismo, o sobre la soberbia de que uno deja el rancho cuando lo mudan a “una vivienda digna” (dese un paseo por los “ranchos” que este gobierno ha “urbanizado” y verá que el rancho se ha vestido de concreto y coloridos frisos y -la pila de tablas- no ha desaparecido por usar zapatos de marca, por tener aire acondicionado ni por equipo alguno que metan bajo ese techo... ¡El rancho lo llevan adentro! (yo, también, lo tenía).

No voy a llevar esto al plano político ni social: El problema es mío, no de otros.

Puede que luzca mi Galaxy S4, pero no tengo comida en mi casa (ni saldo para enviar un simple mensaje).

Puede que salga a la calle con mis zapatos nuevos (robados, fiados o no) pero no tengo la libertad de ir a dónde me plazca, ni en el horario que se me antoje: Estoy en toque de queda por los malandros del barrio o sector donde yo viva.

Si aparento vivir mejor que otros “mal vivientes”, mal vivo con mi pila de tablas en la cabeza, me burlo de medio mundo, pero -todo el mundo- se reirá de mí, por narciso y presumido... ¡Puesto en tus zapatos!

A.T.

Last week

I came to my mother´s and, while traveling inside the subway´s system, I noticed an old cicatrix close to my fit. A flashback appeared, then I remembered why I got that scar...

She called phone me, I don´t remember what her words were but I understood the message. I felt such feeling of anger, I was too upset, I knew I needed a quick relief.

I heard the sounds but I couldn´t recognize her voice so, as a trigger, I pulled my arm against the window and, hitting it quickly, I broke its glass.

-What´s going on there? -She asked, as childish she was.

I was unwilling to say a word, so she insisted on and also cried something I don´t remember, so I told her to calm down:

-I hit my window and cut my fit. -I told and amazed pondered why.

-What? How come it was? -I said nothing. I was a teenager who felt rejected.

-Speak to me!... Are you there? Hello! Hello!  -almost shouting over that old phone.

-Yes!  I am here! -I quickly said.

-But what are you doing?... Does it hurt? You hurt yourself? -she said it, but there was not a question she needed to know.

I was unwilling to talk. Everything was so fast that I feel I was perplexed in no place stuck.

-You hit your window and got yourself wounded... Are you crazy? -She asked, again.

-It doesn´t hurt me. It hurts me what you already said, what you did: You broke me inside.

In the subway, I looked at my hand. I´m not sure about the time or the things she thought -or said- while traveling.

-Are you all right?

-I was! Now I´m not. -I said, trying to say goodbye.

I stared at the blood, at the bleeding being shed. That was new for me. I wanted to experience something like that and, then, I had the chance to try it (with a relieving reason).

-Talk to me! What´s going on with you?

-I will not say it, on demand!

-Why?

-I´m wounded, bleeding from the inside out... I wish I could have said “I´m leaving you”. It´s you who left me, instead.

I don´t remember how I sort it out. I´m not sure if I went to the doctor or if I cured it myself (just remembering one of my neighbors tried to cure me with the stuff I had at a hand).

-How come you cut your hand -my healer said- It was too close to your veins. -But I never knew how relieving it was (that way I only tried once, my whole life).

I don´t know why “the heart” sometimes hurts more than a broken bone.

I don´t know why things had to be broken, and apparently lay down without any swift remedy.

You might have spent your life hurting others until the time you realize you did it wrong and all those hurts will cash you back its tolls.

Rom 6:23  When people sin, they earn what sin pays--death. But God gives his people a free gift--eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

If I ever tried to say “she did wrong”, I could be reminded well:

Rom 2:1  Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.

What would be the end?

Rom 6:17  In the past you were slaves to sin--sin controlled you. But thank God, you fully obeyed what you were taught

Was it a life led by the Spirit I lived?

Largely enough God´s Spirit led His people: It was HE leading them to do what He wants and that He wanted. When Jesus was born, one of those Simeons was led to meet His family and God used him to speak (Luk_2:27). When Jesus grew up, God´s Spirit led Him into the desert (Luk 4:1) and His own SON undergone several tests we wouldn´t like to live.

What did Simeon said: “So the secret thoughts of many will be made known. And the things that happen will be painful for you--like a sword cutting through your heart”

Was it only said for Joseph and Mary?

My whole life was spent in nonsenses. Most of the people I know are facing their troubles and Jesus also acknowledged it that way.

Mat 11:6  Great blessings belong to those who don't have a problem accepting me."

What kind of life were we living (or believing)?

Jesus challenged (and warned us) to be responsible, upright and above reproach. That trustworthiness wasn´t found there where we were...

Mat 18:7  I feel sorry for the people in the world because of the things that make people sin. These things must happen, but it will be very bad for anyone who causes them to happen.

In another version it sounds differently:

Mat 18:7  "Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes!  (ESV)

Are we lead to be temped to fail?

Am I living a life to hurt or tempt others?

A life led by the Spirit is not like that far from being worthy, because His Spirit is out of reproach.

Here are some hints to BELIEVE He dwells within you (or me).

Mat_10:20  For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.

Mat 26:41  Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

Joh_3:34  For he whom God has sent utters the words of God, for he gives the Spirit without measure.

Joh 16:13  But when he—the Spirit of truth—comes, he will guide you into all the truth. For he will not speak from himself, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will proclaim to you the things to come.

Joh_3:8  The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit."

Isn´t this verse be nice to know it works for you?:

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." Luk 4:18-19

I don´t know about you but I´ve decided He already said for me:

Joh_6:63  It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.

A.T.

There´re Birds feeling blue.

Wow!

Mom´s greeted me: “Father´s day”... Quickly I missed mine, my uncle and my children (Hope I could see them tomorrow).

Before this, I was concerned about my mother´s cages. She has several and, recently, she set apart her lovebirds away from the one I like: The blue one.

He came to my mother´s when my brother found him having felt off from its nest. He gave it to our mother and she put him into the cage where she has those lovebirds she is used to care of since I was a child (of course, old one are dead).

Several times my mother has asked me to pull them out their cage, just to teach them how to fly, just to help them find the birds they are, and I have liked such releasing ideas: All birds are to be free!

I´m considering the idea of having the blue one in my home land. I don´t know if it´s male or female, though I think he´s (she) missing part of his live inside a cage.

My brother, the one who rescued it, is unconcerned though he buys him their bananas, as well as he throws leftover onto “Pedroso”, my sister´s dog: My mother tends to take care on the things other´s thrown away (like me). Ha! Ha! Ha!

Why a blue bird is feeling blue?

As far as I have watched him, he missed his parents. These were used to visit him those days when he felt off and those were around the cage he shared with those lovebirds who looked at him as an intruder (a blue bird never looked like Aussie people).

The blue birds has become “my” favorite since he sings a lot, dearly, and I have enjoyed him inside my hands, just to teach him I´m not the cat who wants him to be eaten, instead, I want him to be inserted inside his own folk, away from the cats around this dead-end street where my mother lives, because I want him to live to the fullest, whether it be a female or a male bird.

He is sad because, by now, mom´s moved the Australian birds to another cage. She wanted “him” to jump and enjoy that cage alongside, but I know he feels sad because he is not any longer singing as he was used each morning and any time (If you don´t show your joy, if you seldom sing the way you used, probably you are depressed, feeling alone, and I believe this blue bird I´ve liked deserves the life nature God  has provided for all).

Too many birds are blue! I have seen them mute, isolated, rejected, ignored and -apparently- unnoticed. I just wondered how many times “a bird” could be sad and blue, seen and unnoticed. I know there´s a purpose for all and everything but, this time, I see that physical isolation is another issue, it doesn´t matter you be isolated inside the very same cage: a bird is feeling blue.

A.T.

How does your mind works?

Coincidentally with something I recently wrote, I clicked on the trailer of another romantic movie I will not watch.

The 1^st thing I felt it was disgusting. I´m used that “Bella” was made for Edward Cullen and I surely thought that that unending love story would never be different... I´m talking about twilight. (Yes! I´m somewhat romantic).

How come I came to post this? I´ve seen some men apparently need to be detached (and I think I´m used too).

If you are like me, just watch part of the trailer. What do you feel?

The 1^st thing I felt it was disgusting. I said, to myself: “How come? Wasn´t it thought to be forever?”

Yes! I´m used to think it that way (and I´m not the only one who sees it so).

Part of me felt insulted. I could admit I liked “Bella”. I admit she needs someone better than me, so I gave Edward “my approval” though I would fight to get her (if I had the chance) and well aware of that I´m handicapped by a dozen of reasons. Ha! Ha! Ha! (I´m not too fictional! I have liked “Bella”, but I don´t like her anymore).

How does your mind works?

Don´t you feel an emotional rejections to things like that?

If you have wanted to be the new BF “Bella” has in that movie, I will not say what´s wrong.

If you have been “Edward Cullen”, I will not give my inputs.

My concern, in here, is helping you to see things detached: Have you loved “Bella” watching or reading that novel?

I liked her! But I didn´t love her when I saw she liked another.

After the 1^st movie / novel I was “OK” she loved another rather than me. Do you understand what I´m saying?

But, after watching that trailer of a SECULAR SAGA I don´t think fits my beliefs, something went wrong when I “saw” Edward Cullen somewhat leaving her and -as a real life experience- I saw something weird in “Bella´s” personal life.

I know you don´t like reading, so I will leave another link to ease that trip. Double click, please!

The 1st time I knew I “loved” someone in a movie I think it was Brooke Shields. When I saw she over-kissed Richard Atkins (or whomever he was) and did several things I thought I deserved, she broke my heart (that´s why I don´t girls/women above 5´5”) Ha! Ha! Ha! All of them deserve the same! Ha! Ha!

I´m serious about brokenhearted people. I feel sad when they are sad and -now- I´m lightly sad for me, I´m missing those texts messages I was getting used to receive, her phone calls and visits, her hugs and all those things I started to receive and got when I cared for someone who went her way, who chases her dreams, and she is is complete FREE to do what she does.

Will you think the same about “Bella” and Edward Cullen´s?

The “true” story behind a movie like that: If They were married, they could end up divorced.

( http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20614722,00.html )

( http://www.people.com/people/kristen_stewart/biography/0,,20241359_10,00.html )

Here´s the tip for someone who needs to overcome his (her) love grievance: If you want to be detached, know the background of those you need to be uprooted.

I never planned to read that novel. I watched one movie to know why so many people were reading that bulky book and, of course, I read about Meyer´s background and, knowing she was married, I had my ideas... Not to be shared!

When I saw Bella´s 2nd boyfriend, I knew she was working semi-automatically under a BBD appeal.

Let´s agreed on: Jacob seems to be handsome, stronger, Etc., but what about you? You felt left, despised, hurt, just for another she / he picked and chose.... Didn´t you?

That´s a BBD and they are free (you too!).

It isn´t a matter of what you marveled with dear thoughts, not what you´ve planned or dreamed about that person you loved, you cared or wanted to be married: She (he) left!

And that´s ALL what counts to be detached and forgotten.

Live one day after another.

Forgive them, forgive YOURSELF! And be thankful you were loved.

Aren´t you thankful enough that you were loved, even for few minutes, days or a month? I´m thankful, though. I recently loved and was loved: No regrets on it!

If you want to be healed know you would have loved her (him) more than you love YOU or GOD. Will you mind checking that spiritual realm?

If you´ve loved a person more than GOD you were screwed up from the beginning. Didn´t you know that?

If GOD was out of that love relationship, be sure that her/his leaving you behind was just a simple consequence of more people being hurt and left: If you don´t love GOD, you don´t love well.

If you don´t know the way out, some doors could be slammed -just at your faces- to show you what was wrong in a relationship that have ended up. Pray, forgive (forgive yourself privately and publicly) and renounce those feeling to get the needed healing to keep your life going on.

Simple as that!

In my mind, I still being young, and here are some words I wrote for a dear friend I wish the best:

“I wish I dare to fly

I wish I were your wings

I wish I crossed that mark

where lines with you begins.

No time to say goodbyes

no space to let them in

those thorns you felt that bad

will make you fly with winds.”

A.T. June 13, 2014

P.S.

Here are both links for you to use to compare and think, just to be detached from a broken love bond:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=nx2KQUUBjx8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=4XRzdlDBkcg

P.S. 2

Here are some reasons I might have liked someone like “Bella”.

Personal life: She is interested in attending college in the near future, saying, "I want to go to college for literature. I want to be a writer. I mean, I love what I do, but it's not all I want to do – be a professional liar for the rest of my life."[65]

Although:

However, Stewart officially acknowledged her relationship with (Robert) Pattinson for the first time in July 2012, when Us Weekly published photos of Stewart showing affection with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders.[69] The day the photos were released, Stewart issued a public apology to Pattinson at People Magazine, saying, "I'm deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I've caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry.[70]"

Suddenly Single (May 2013)

“Seven months after winning back Pattinson, Stewart and her Twilight costar split once more, with the actor failing to show up at a birthday celebration she hosts for him. "Kristen has been in a terrible mood, and it was obvious that things were not great with Rob," a source tells PEOPLE, adding that it wouldn't come as a surprise if the pair were to get back together. “

( http://www.people.com/people/kristen_stewart/biography/0,,20241359_10,00.html )