Jealousy operates

By last June 2012 I had a penfriend who came back to Venezuela from Colombia. I had no idea on how her life could be and it was her smart idea to meet, so I accepted on the basis she wanted to give me that surprise as a birthday present...

She was a young looking woman. I thought she was in the habit of using her "old" pictures on facebook, but I had more than a year reading her blog notes on www.pecado.com. That was the woman I wanted to help, and I did it to certain degree (but I never thought she has so many fans flirting or wooing her).

When I gave her access to facebook I noticed lots of pictures. I saw but I few of hers, but she insisted on clicking “LIKE” to each and all of my pictures (so I got confused and thought she actually LIKED me).

After the first met, in fact that day we met, I felt it was my time to tell her how much I have liked her pictures (I din´t see all, just because she was with many men around or MANY were clicking I LIKE or posting words to flirt). 

We met by 3 pm, and did not stop paying attention to each other the time we noticed it was 10 pm. That moment I insisted to bring her to her house, because Caracas is a dangerous city and we went walking (I have no car).

After that first blind date (I wasn´t sure those pictures were the nice looking woman she really is).

We met frequently, on the basis of sharing time on chats, reading love poems I wrote for her, SMS messages or phone calls...

I stopped myself from loving (liking her) when I realized she had another SHE LIKED who invited her to go to Spain. He paid and sent the round airplane tickets from Europe, and I wasn´t sure he really knew I was dating her by those days and, besides this, I considered she was cheating someone (specially me) because I have believed the sweet and kind words she used to say wooing (and there were kisses, close hugs and the harm tenderness I missed for years) and that day she wanted sex (I never touched her that way) my jealousy ran out to understand she was a liar (or an unsafe person to trust all my heart). That day I understood she was willing to spend a month in Europe, but unwilling to spend one night in my own house.

What was I doing there? I faced the truth...

She was a "loving" person not interested in being utterly committed, so that hurt me more than those words I have believed, and I undergone the simple choice taken and the rejection she made: I needed love! (I thought she was the woman I needed) and my seeking was not for sex (but that helped me to understand I´m not able to love again, if my wallet still being empty or coping with people like that).

Her right choice and uncovered cheating helped me to overcome the fantasy of being remarried (I have to be rich enough to get that dream done).

Jealousy operates same way.

A.T.                 Dec 26, 2012