Closed road

The upsetting thing was the she told me she liked another.

Firstly I knew she had a bunch of friends pretending her to woo (or whatever thing that happened) (she´s beautiful and that is always expected) but I wanted to help her sort out part of her emotional problems.

Emotionally we liked one another. Nothing ugly or sinful passed, except I knew she was an Chinese horoscope believer, an hinduistic fan or modern science believer (coming back to Venezuela) and I wanted to help... and we met personally (and It was wonderful) (we spent hours talking and learning about one another).

I fell in love, like a kid (she behaved like feeling the same and said many words of connecting assurance).

This is my solely responseability and fault.

Later on, for my birthday (June 29) we had planned to meet (it was her idea, and I loved it) but, the midnight before, we started to chat and she told me she liked someone else... I began to ask!

She was unwilling to say a plain truth, unwilling clear this off, but she said she was unwilling to set him apart or leaving such a connection behind (that sounded me like those -men and women- who have more than one mate).

She told me many things before. When I wanted to know about the true nature of her relationship to that man, she avoided telling me... And said that was her "Private Life" (she had already told me many things I didn´t want to know: Her likes about sex and more).

I told her to explain me the thing well. She stil related to her ex-husband, she spoke TOO MUCH about a lover, and I wanted to know what this be would. I said my reaction would be the same: Here and there. She insisted on telling me personally (and I´m concious it could be a trick to know me better) (it could serve to know my character) but it wasn´t the best way to learn, so but I asked to her to avoid me this bad feeling, the dissatisfaction... She told me she had someone SHE LIKED. He was connected to her family, since youth, and bla, bla, bla... But I myself do not permit somebody else comes in the same category of LIKE or LOVED (in Spanish we seldom use LOVED to mean those cherrished, at the top). So that hurt me. I have learnt (very well) the lesson of this, so I decided to leave, to let her alone or with anyone she likes.

The thing is, she was drawing my attention, to the point on frfiend, on facebook, asked me to pay her "that attention", and I must pay no attention to pagans, horoscope fans or anything worshippers, so I failed, ´cause I went from one point to another. I tried to help her overcome her emotionals problems, but fell in love emotionally. That´s why I´m not witnessing" (and it hurts too).

Let your class know that these things happen. Let them know that, when we are witnessing or trying to do well, the self, the inner being we are and try to hide, sometimes comes out to ask what we do not have or seek.

I have published a couple of things in Spanish, but I can´t translate -anybetter- the emotion of feeling rejected or despised, although WE WERE NOT ENGAGED and it was the first time we met (and it was like living a complete year) (it was like being a teen, twice).

And I know this was an enfatuation, but I learnt -deeply- on the ways a woman can love, ´cause, frequently, people do not tell certain "secrets" their eyes, their acts or soul cannot not hide, but this time, my soul felt like never before. I know (and I knew) the differences, but I can´t deny MY FEELINGS, my need of conveying -ALL OF THEM- in a marriage, in some I could please, honor, and take care.

I have spent all my life seeking the same goal, but my divorce has driven me to infirmities, additional failures, so I want some learn from my shortcomings. If I can help any to give them shortcuts, I would.

The Church is the better place to find friends and mates. Outside there´s nothing but failures and disappointments.

That´s my lesson, but i can´t convey all of them in a letter today: This is not may language (but this is my real feeling) and, sharing with you (typing this and the former letter) gave me the chance to express it well.

Thank you, brother Robert, and tell these team, godlife.com, that this site is an investment and, these seeds, the paintoiling days, would produce a crop.

May count me that day, and help me understand where to go to.

Thank you, and use this freely (I´ll publish it, anyhow)